Betamax. A good investment right?

I replied to Diana's last email giving her the information she required PROPERLY. I omitted a phone number of course. How very remiss of me.  Betamax video players are a good investment right?
 

Good morning my darling Diana.

I hope this finds you well and happy.  We are deep in snow here in England so today is very chilly.  The river Miface has frozen over and the village of Jizz-on-Miface  is covered in a thick,  creamy, white deposit. I think the gods may have seen your photos!! I think I may have to dig myself out if it carries on.

I emailed the bank as you ask my dear and am awaiting their reply. In the meantime, here is the information you requested from me.

your full names  - Don Juan Marmalade Ringo Keigh-Dick
your telephone number -
your profession - World famous artist
Age - 47
your country - England
the investments we should do in your country with this money -

I need a little more time to finalise my plans for investments but so far I am keen to invest in Betamax Video players,  Sinclair C5's and cheese. I will draw up a more comprehensive list shortly.

I just want to reassure you Diana that I am a trustworthy personnel and will do my best to help you to your (apple) core.

I do have a confession to make Diana. I think I am in love with you. I have tried to fight these feelings as we have known each other for such a short time but I can't help it. You are the most wonderful woman I have never met. You are beautiful, clever, incredibly literate and smart. I just can't wait until we can be together as a proper couple and I finally get to nibble on your apple.

For now my dear, I have to go. Please take care of yourself my beloved girl.

All my love

Don x x x x x x x x x x x