Time to tell Diana about my awful weekend. I bet I get no sympathy whatsoever from her.
Good afternoon Diana
I must apologise for the delay in replying
to you. I have been terribly ill for the last few days. After your last
email and the one from the bank, I accidentally swallowed a large amount
of bunkum which resulted in a severe case of bullshittium poisoning. I
was dreadfully ill Diana. I don't mind telling you that I feared the
worst.
After I had read yours and the banks emails, I went to
make a sandwich for my lunch. On a high shelf in the cupboard, I keep a
bag of granulated bunkum for those times when it is necessary to rid
oneself of leaches, rats and similar vermin. I am not sure how, but
some of it must have got into my potted meat which is what I chose for
my sandwich filling that day. I started to feel a bit off about an hour
after eating it but thought I was just feeling love sick after looking
at your beautiful photos. Half an hour later I started being sick. Then I
don't really remember much after that. Apparently a neighbour happened
to call round and found me collapsed on the floor and called an
ambulance. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in hospital. They gave
me an antidote to the bunkum (a truth serum) and eventually the
bullshittium subsided. It was touch and go though Diana. I was finally
released from hospital this morning but I have to take it easy and rest
up for the remainder of the week.
Anyway my love, I heard back
from the bank. They need lots of paperwork relating to your fathers
death. I am assuming that you have all the necessary things so be a good
girl and send them to the bank. We can't get hold of the money until
you send them.
I have to go and rest now Diana. It would be
really lovely to get a romantic, loving email from you. Maybe a love
poem or a picture of you holding a sign saying "I love my Don
Keigh-Dick". I am sure that would really help my recovery.
I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible.
All my love forever
Your Don Keigh-Dick x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
No comments:
Post a Comment