Personal favours and a bit of a telling off.

I am feeling neglected and need to know of Diana's intention towards me. It's all a bit too one sided for my liking. She needs to buck her ideas up!


Good afternoon my darling Diana.

How are you? I hope you are well. I am feeling much better now and am fully recovered after my poisoning incident.

I contacted Ecowas Underwriters but they want $2900 to get the documents. I am a bit worried as this is a lot of money for me. I know I said I am a wealthy man but I don't just have that kind of money to hand. Most of my money is tied up in investments or needs to be used to buy art supplies and fund my exhibitions. Is there no way of getting these documents cheaper? Could you not offer the underwriters some 'personal' favours in exchange for the documents (if you know what I mean)? If this is not an option I will try my best to get the money but it may take me some time. I hope you understand my love.

I have been feeling a little neglected by you lately. Our relationship does feel a little one sided my love. I am madly in love with you but you show me very little in the way of affection or romance and this is very disappointing. You wish me to help you out of this awful situation yet you offer little in the way of return.  Diana, I am going to lay this on the line now,  you had better start to make more of an effort or I can't see that we will last much longer. It's hard for me as I truly do love you but you don't seem to feel the same way. Therefore I really must ask, do you love me and want a committed relationship with me or do you just want me to help you get your fathers money? I just want you to be honest.

I joined that dating site in the hope of finding my one true love. I never expected a lovely young lady like to you take an interest in an old man like me.  I don't want to die old and alone. I want a lady by my side. One whom I can love and look after and who will do the same for me. Is this you? At my age I can't wait around forever. I need to know your intentions towards me.

Diana, my love, please don't let me down. We could have such an amazing life together if you would just make more of an effort. Come on love, buck your ideas up a bit.

I look forward to hearing back from you again  soon.

Ever faithfully yours

Don x x x x x x x x

Make more of an effort.

I replied to Diana from my sick bed, explaining about the documentation required to get the money. I also took her to task about her lack of emotion, It's just not hood enough. She needs to start making a bit more of an effort.



Good morning my gorgeous lady.

Thanks for your email. I am on the mend now thanks for asking. I am looking after myself as I have no one else to take care of me. My neighbour has fetched me some shopping so I am doing ok for food etc. I could really do with you here to mop my fevered brow along with the Kitchen floor.

I am very disappointed that you didn't send me a nice love poem or anything, what with me being so ill. Don't you love me Diana? Are you going off me already?

The bank has asked me for the following pieces of documentation which I assume you have. I am new to all this so don't have a clue how to get them.

1.  A power of attorney permitting you to claim and receive the funds to your  bank account on her behalf.Note:This Power of attorney must been endorsed by a Senegalese resident lawyer.(Since the young lady is presently residing in  Senegal)

2.The death certificate of (Her deceased father) confirming his death

3.A Certificate Deposit issued to him by our bank.

4. You will send your valid telephone, home or office address with your passport or ID copy.

Can you send them right away please? Until you do, we can't get your fathers money.

You asked what is the meaning of Don Keigh-Dick? It's my name you silly girl!! I told you when we first started writing. My mothers name was Jun Keigh and my fathers name was Roger Dick. When they got married they decided to keep both names and became Mr and Mrs Keigh-Dick. Keigh-Dick is my surnames just as Younnes is yours!! Honestly, you are a silly girl!!

Well I guess I just wait to hear from you again. I hope your next email is a bit longer and a bit nicer. Your last one was a bit abrupt and lacking in emotion. Please make more of an effort.

Lots of love from Don x x x x x x x  x x x x

What is the meaning of don keigh-DICK?

So I told Diana that I was dreadfully ill after being poisoned and this is all I got in return. I don't think she loves me.



my dear good evening and how are feeling today? hope you have fully recovered?
who is taking care of you there more especially when you was in hospital?

what do you mean by they need lots of paperwork relating to my father's death?

what  is the meaning of don keigh-DICK?

More bunkum and bullshittium.

Time to tell Diana about my awful weekend. I bet I get no sympathy whatsoever from her.


Good afternoon Diana

I must apologise for the delay in replying to you. I have been terribly ill for the last few days. After your last email and the one from the bank, I accidentally swallowed a large amount of bunkum which resulted in a severe case of bullshittium poisoning. I was dreadfully ill Diana. I don't mind telling you that I feared the worst.

After I had read yours and the banks emails, I went to make a sandwich for my  lunch. On a high shelf in the cupboard, I keep a bag of granulated bunkum for those times when it is necessary to rid oneself of leaches, rats and similar vermin.  I am not sure how, but some of it must have got into my potted meat which is what I chose for my sandwich filling that day. I started to feel a bit off about an hour after eating it but thought I was just feeling love sick after looking at your beautiful photos. Half an hour later I started being sick. Then I don't really remember much after that. Apparently a neighbour happened to call round and found me collapsed on the floor and called an ambulance. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in hospital. They gave me an antidote to the bunkum (a truth serum) and eventually the bullshittium subsided. It was touch and go though Diana. I was finally released from hospital this morning but I have to take it easy and rest up for the remainder of the week.

Anyway my love, I heard back from the bank. They need lots of paperwork relating to your fathers death. I am assuming that you have all the necessary things so be a good girl and send them to the bank. We can't get hold of the money until you send them.

I have to go and rest now Diana. It would be really lovely to get a romantic, loving email from you. Maybe a love poem or a picture of you holding a sign saying "I love my Don Keigh-Dick".  I am sure that would really help my recovery.

I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible.

All my love forever

Your Don Keigh-Dick x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Bullshittium poisoning.

I thought I should contact the bank again after their last wonderfully professional email. I've been ill hence the delay in replying. That bullshittium poisoning can be very nasty.



Dear Mr Garry Nathan

Many thanks for your speedy response to my mail. I apologise for my delay in replying but I have been ill and had to take to my bed. I came down with an acute case of bullshittium poisoning after swallowing a load of bunkum. Silly me! I shan't be doing that again in a hurry!! Anyway, I am on the mend now so no need to worry.

You mentioned several  items of paperwork and documentation that are needed for me, I mean us, to get our hands on the money. Obviously I don't have these so I shall ask my wonderful Diana to forward them to you as I assume she has them all. I shall contact her straight away. I shall let you know as soon as she replies.

Many thanks for your patience in this matter.

Yours sincerely

Mr Don Keigh-Dick