Refugee camp chic.

 A quick message to Diana because I am off out to a posh art 'do.



Oh my dearest, darling Diana.

Thank you so much for your lovely emails. They are much better and a lot more sincere. I knew you had it in you!

I have emailed the lawyer and am just waiting for their reply. I will let you know as soon as I hear back from them.

I am off out later my dear. I have to attend a very posh society art event. I wish you were here to come with me. When we are married and you are living over here, you will accompany me to many events. Won't that be super? We can get you all dressed up (none of this refugee camp chic for you any more my dear!) and I can show you off to all my arty farty friends.

I have painted a very special picture for you this afternoon. I hope you like it Diana. I worked really hard on it especially for you. It's good isn't it?

Well, I have to get ready to go out.  I may have a few drinks tonight. That should be fun.

Well Diana, be good and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

All my love forever
Don  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Make more of an effort.

I replied to Diana from my sick bed, explaining about the documentation required to get the money. I also took her to task about her lack of emotion, It's just not hood enough. She needs to start making a bit more of an effort.



Good morning my gorgeous lady.

Thanks for your email. I am on the mend now thanks for asking. I am looking after myself as I have no one else to take care of me. My neighbour has fetched me some shopping so I am doing ok for food etc. I could really do with you here to mop my fevered brow along with the Kitchen floor.

I am very disappointed that you didn't send me a nice love poem or anything, what with me being so ill. Don't you love me Diana? Are you going off me already?

The bank has asked me for the following pieces of documentation which I assume you have. I am new to all this so don't have a clue how to get them.

1.  A power of attorney permitting you to claim and receive the funds to your  bank account on her behalf.Note:This Power of attorney must been endorsed by a Senegalese resident lawyer.(Since the young lady is presently residing in  Senegal)

2.The death certificate of (Her deceased father) confirming his death

3.A Certificate Deposit issued to him by our bank.

4. You will send your valid telephone, home or office address with your passport or ID copy.

Can you send them right away please? Until you do, we can't get your fathers money.

You asked what is the meaning of Don Keigh-Dick? It's my name you silly girl!! I told you when we first started writing. My mothers name was Jun Keigh and my fathers name was Roger Dick. When they got married they decided to keep both names and became Mr and Mrs Keigh-Dick. Keigh-Dick is my surnames just as Younnes is yours!! Honestly, you are a silly girl!!

Well I guess I just wait to hear from you again. I hope your next email is a bit longer and a bit nicer. Your last one was a bit abrupt and lacking in emotion. Please make more of an effort.

Lots of love from Don x x x x x x x  x x x x

What is the meaning of don keigh-DICK?

So I told Diana that I was dreadfully ill after being poisoned and this is all I got in return. I don't think she loves me.



my dear good evening and how are feeling today? hope you have fully recovered?
who is taking care of you there more especially when you was in hospital?

what do you mean by they need lots of paperwork relating to my father's death?

what  is the meaning of don keigh-DICK?

More bunkum and bullshittium.

Time to tell Diana about my awful weekend. I bet I get no sympathy whatsoever from her.


Good afternoon Diana

I must apologise for the delay in replying to you. I have been terribly ill for the last few days. After your last email and the one from the bank, I accidentally swallowed a large amount of bunkum which resulted in a severe case of bullshittium poisoning. I was dreadfully ill Diana. I don't mind telling you that I feared the worst.

After I had read yours and the banks emails, I went to make a sandwich for my  lunch. On a high shelf in the cupboard, I keep a bag of granulated bunkum for those times when it is necessary to rid oneself of leaches, rats and similar vermin.  I am not sure how, but some of it must have got into my potted meat which is what I chose for my sandwich filling that day. I started to feel a bit off about an hour after eating it but thought I was just feeling love sick after looking at your beautiful photos. Half an hour later I started being sick. Then I don't really remember much after that. Apparently a neighbour happened to call round and found me collapsed on the floor and called an ambulance. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in hospital. They gave me an antidote to the bunkum (a truth serum) and eventually the bullshittium subsided. It was touch and go though Diana. I was finally released from hospital this morning but I have to take it easy and rest up for the remainder of the week.

Anyway my love, I heard back from the bank. They need lots of paperwork relating to your fathers death. I am assuming that you have all the necessary things so be a good girl and send them to the bank. We can't get hold of the money until you send them.

I have to go and rest now Diana. It would be really lovely to get a romantic, loving email from you. Maybe a love poem or a picture of you holding a sign saying "I love my Don Keigh-Dick".  I am sure that would really help my recovery.

I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible.

All my love forever

Your Don Keigh-Dick x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Bullshittium poisoning.

I thought I should contact the bank again after their last wonderfully professional email. I've been ill hence the delay in replying. That bullshittium poisoning can be very nasty.



Dear Mr Garry Nathan

Many thanks for your speedy response to my mail. I apologise for my delay in replying but I have been ill and had to take to my bed. I came down with an acute case of bullshittium poisoning after swallowing a load of bunkum. Silly me! I shan't be doing that again in a hurry!! Anyway, I am on the mend now so no need to worry.

You mentioned several  items of paperwork and documentation that are needed for me, I mean us, to get our hands on the money. Obviously I don't have these so I shall ask my wonderful Diana to forward them to you as I assume she has them all. I shall contact her straight away. I shall let you know as soon as she replies.

Many thanks for your patience in this matter.

Yours sincerely

Mr Don Keigh-Dick