Betamax. A good investment right?

I replied to Diana's last email giving her the information she required PROPERLY. I omitted a phone number of course. How very remiss of me.  Betamax video players are a good investment right?
 

Good morning my darling Diana.

I hope this finds you well and happy.  We are deep in snow here in England so today is very chilly.  The river Miface has frozen over and the village of Jizz-on-Miface  is covered in a thick,  creamy, white deposit. I think the gods may have seen your photos!! I think I may have to dig myself out if it carries on.

I emailed the bank as you ask my dear and am awaiting their reply. In the meantime, here is the information you requested from me.

your full names  - Don Juan Marmalade Ringo Keigh-Dick
your telephone number -
your profession - World famous artist
Age - 47
your country - England
the investments we should do in your country with this money -

I need a little more time to finalise my plans for investments but so far I am keen to invest in Betamax Video players,  Sinclair C5's and cheese. I will draw up a more comprehensive list shortly.

I just want to reassure you Diana that I am a trustworthy personnel and will do my best to help you to your (apple) core.

I do have a confession to make Diana. I think I am in love with you. I have tried to fight these feelings as we have known each other for such a short time but I can't help it. You are the most wonderful woman I have never met. You are beautiful, clever, incredibly literate and smart. I just can't wait until we can be together as a proper couple and I finally get to nibble on your apple.

For now my dear, I have to go. Please take care of yourself my beloved girl.

All my love

Don x x x x x x x x x x x

Not as a foreigner but as my apple.

Just as a logged on and emailed the bank, Diana sent me this email. It has the usual lack of punctuation, grammar and capital letters and interesting uses of the words apple and ginger. I wish she'd make her mind up too. One minute she isn't bothered about the inheritance, just having enough money so she doesn't starve and the next, she wants to know how we will invest it. Fickle woman.

 

 

 

hi my beloved

i sincerely and lovely admired your response and i wholeheartedly say big thanks to you and at the same time i want to plead that you will please never allow this our communications to end in internet ok. you see i really observed that money is not everything as it is just a mere thing to buy what someone want excluding love. love is love and love is real when partner involved agreed that it is real otherwise it is less committed or take note of.

i do not consider money as much but this my now condition money is needed so that i can not die of hunger and starvation. i want you to know that i am not a rich woman as you  may think but i inherited enough money from my late father that is why it seemed that i am a rich woman and besides the money is not into my care now as it is in a bank in united kingdom  and i can not claim it because it was deposited as investment money by my late father. i pray that you could have enough time to read this my mail to better understanding ok.

i need a true love and if i can have it, i think all my sorrowful should be over because i want someone that could care and love me not as a foreigner but as his love and as his apple.

it will do me great if you will consider me as your good friend and future reliable joint investment partner so that we should be able to achieve all our common goals on this earth together.

i want an assurance of your capability to handle this huge amount of money successfully for our everlasting financial growth.

Please i will like to introduce you to the bank where this money is as my trustee and foreign investments live partner and closer friend to enable the bank understand our closer relationship to backing us up in the fair and legal transfer of this money to your position for our reliable investments.

furthermore i want you to PROPERLY  send to me the following informations;

your full names ..............
your telephone number.....,,.......................
your profession....................................
Age..............................................................;
your country..........................
the investments we should do in your country with this money.....

if you can lovely read and comply with all the above things that i wrote it will ginger me mostly to entrust this my inheritance to you and also could be able to introduce you officially to bank for them To urgently arrange the transfer of this my inherited money to your control without delay .

i do not have anybody beside me to faithfully entrust because i was humiliated by my step mother and my late father's blood relatives immediately my parents died. this is a very disappointing  issue that i should like to explain to you when this transfer is successful and by the special grace of God  you will lovely help me to be together with you as soon as this money gets to your control ok.

i know you have answered most of the things i wrote here but kindly read and reply them with assurance as i lacks trustworthy personel and will like to be very sure that you could be able to help me to the core . cheers and please i awaits your urgent response